I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
