Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We just shotgunned beers for America
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
