dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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