Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(559): View more from California

Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.

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(425): View more from Washington

Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.

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(703): View more from Virginia

As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".

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(847): View more from Illinois

Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.

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(210): View more from Texas

We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...

(914): View more from New York

Who is this......

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(516): View more from New York

I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.

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