some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
