the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think your dad took our porno
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
