Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You can't motorboat a personality
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
