i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
