so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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