And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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