So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
