he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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