I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize