i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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