We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
