People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
