Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
