Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the day after is always just damage control
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
