I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
