She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
