What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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