his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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