Me too!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
