What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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