youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
