Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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