I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
