I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My cat gives me a boner
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
