If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I fill condoms, not promises.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
