i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize