I just cut my nipple shaving
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
