i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
