Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
