What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
