My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
