Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
