Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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