You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize