First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
