Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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