a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
