In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
