Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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