Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
