i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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