good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
