i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
