I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Nicole vs. Life
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
