How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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