I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
