those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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