this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
