found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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