i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
