She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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