It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
