So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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