Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
4 words: hood of his car
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
