She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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