It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
