Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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