How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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