ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
