sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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