did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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