we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
