I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize