Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
