There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
