So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
